Learned From The Movies

Here’s another list that was sent to me years ago. While there are a bunch of versions online, I wasn’t able to find the author. My guess is somebody wrote the first 10 or 15 and then people just kept adding on as they forwarded it around.

Things Learned From The Movies

1. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

2. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect way to secretly travel to any other part of the building.

3. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.

4. A cough is the sign of a terminal illness.

5. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

6. Bombs are fitted with large red readouts so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.

7. If you try hard enough, you can outrun an explosion.

8. Honest and hard working policemen are gunned down three days before their retirement.

9. You’re likely to survive any battle unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

11. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off — even while scuba diving.

12. No matter how fuzzy the photograph, it can be enlarged and enhanced to show the finest detail.

13. Elevators will automatically go to your floor without pressing any buttons and take exactly as long as your conversation.

14. If staying in a haunted house, women will investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

15. Having a job of any kind will make a father forget his son’s birthday.

16. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of invading alien civilizations.

17. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings — especially if any of their family or friends have died in a strange boating accident.

18. It’s not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.

19. Television news bulletins contain information that affects you personally at the precise moment they’re aired.

20. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

21. Police Departments make sure assigned partners are the total opposite.

22. Any lock can be picked in seconds by a credit card or a paper clip.

23. 75% of Americans live in either New York or Los Angeles. The remaining 25% are violent, racist rednecks, inbred hillbillies or separatist militants.

24. Cars that fly off cliffs spontaneously combust in midair.

25. If someone shoots a fully automatic weapon at you, diving behind a banister or railing will ensure that the bullets hit only the posts.

26. Electric fences powerful enough to kill a dinosaur cause no lasting damage to children.

27. You can rely on your keys being in the ignition when you get in the car, unless it’s an emergency. Then you won’t be able to find the keys anywhere.

28. The more a man and a woman hate each other, the more likely they are to fall in love.

29. Close blood relatives usually look nothing like each other, or have only a passing resemblance.

30. Monsters can sneak up on you, no matter how big or clumsy they are.

31. No matter how catastrophic the disaster, your pets will survive.

32. A cup of black coffee or a splash of cold water in the face is enough to render the most inebriated person sober.

33. A million dollars in cash or cocaine takes up exactly the amount of space available in your briefcase.

34. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people—whether they’re employed or not.

35. At least one in a pair of identical twins is born evil.

36. Should you need to defuse a bomb, don’t worry about which wire to cut. You’ll choose the right one.

37. It doesn’t matter if you’re heavily outnumbered in a martial arts fight. Your enemies will patiently dance around in a threatening manner until you’ve knocked out their predecessors.

38. If you’re pretty or handsome, it’s possible to become a world expert on nuclear fusion by the age of 25.

39. All grocery bags contain at least one loaf of French bread.

40. It’s easy to land a plane providing there’s someone in the control tower to talk you down.

41. Men show no pain while taking ferocious beatings, but wince when a woman tries to clean their wounds.

42. If there’s a large pane of glass, somebody or something will be thrown through it.

43. Detectives can only solve a case once they’ve been suspended.