Hollywood Squares

Hollywood Squares was an American game show from 1966 to 1981. It was basically a version of tic-tac-toe. Celebrities occupied the nine squares. The host, Peter Marshall, asked the stars questions and the contestants won the square by correctly judging the truth of their answers.

The stars themselves were a hodgepodge of beloved TV actors, (Florence Henderson, Barbara Eden, John Davidson), comedians, (Jonathan Winters, Foster Brooks, Joan Rivers), and cultural icons of the time, (Vincent Price, Charo, Paul Williams.) The questions were generally tuned to the celebrity’s persona; sexy/Charo, old/George Gobel, nerdy/Wally Cox, lonely/Rose Marie, young/Melissa Gilbert, gay/Paul Lynde, etc.

Here are a few of the best exchanges.

Q: It’s considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What’s the other?

A: Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q: True or false: a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.

A: George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q: You’ve been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or woman?

A: Don Knotts: That’s what’s been keeping me awake.

Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think he’s attractive, is it okay to come out and ask if he’s married?

A: Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Q: Which of your senses tends to diminish as you get older?

A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q: Do female frogs croak?

A: Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q: If you’re going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?

A: Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q: During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?

A: Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I’m always safe in the bedroom.

Q: When a couple have a baby, who’s responsible for its sex?

A: Charley Weaver: I’ll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.